Plot stuff

Reminder of what's happening --

This plot is getting old. Let's get on it so we can move on! ;) ;p I'd like to see the following happen in the next week or so if possible...

Bud, Harriet, Singer - by now you should be home, what happens now? are the robertses and loren gonna stay together for the night or will Loren go home alone? you should all check in with the admiral and harm/mac in the morning regardless. PLEASE POST!!!

Harm, Tiner, Mac - same as before: go to Snellville the next morning (I'll post this right now), find the rental agency, find out the van was returned a few hours before -- get a description of one baddie and find out that one waiting in the car was in Navy uniform

AJ and Coates - (same as before) trace the call to pay phone near the rental agency and look up in records for fellow Naval officers who have issue with JAG and AJ

Sergei -(same as before) get beat up and then questioned, disappear from the game for a bit

Chloe, Emilia, Meredith, little AJ - (same as before) Chloe protect little AJ, all try to escape once, it fails; Chloe's phone has been taken from her.

BAD GUYS - try to make a deal - the lives of the captives or...
  • Current Music
    "The Secret I Knew Then"


Welcome our new Webb. Yay him! Also, I'm making an Admiral journal. I will post for him until someone else comes along. For now, Bud, I'm letting you carry the Harriet line, unless it's a me and her in which case I'll be her too.

Coates and Chloe, hopefully you'll be around more for the big plot coming up. I know you've been sick, so you're excused. Try to be on asap though. Also, Skates, if you're gonna have trauma too, now would be a perfect time.

Plot rundown --

We will all go to the play together in whatever carpooling works. I was thinking Harm could not show up to carpool and then appear at the play. That way I could be upset at him and then all happy when he arrives. Maybe we could even start to have a chat at intermission (via comment war) and get a bit closer to coming out with our feelings. Ala the tv show, during this, little AJ is taken. We all go search for him after the play. The Robertses go to look for him immediately after he's taken at intermission and so miss the second half. This will clue Chloe in who will badger the truth out of Mac, lie to people (as listed in the previous plottage) about where she's going, and get herself taken while trying to find little AJ.

Searching teams - Harm/Sergei/Loren, Bud/Harriet (who have already gone), Tiner/Emilia/Mac. Coates and the Admiral will zoom back to JAG ops to start on work there with Webb. Harm will see Brittany somewhere and try to go to her but she is pulled into a van. Harm and Sergei chase it (Loren can't cause she's pregnant) and somehow Sergei will end up being taken as well. I leave that up to Harm and Loren to work out in their posts. Everyone come up with your own clues of what you find. Basically, we need confirmation that everyone is alive in capture but we still don't know where. Feel free to find out descriptions on what the kidnappers look like. These are the lackies for the baddies so you guys can run with their looks as much as you want.

Those of you who are taken, see the previous plot post to reference how you should post.

I'm gonna go launch this plot into orbit with an Admiral and Mac post.

-Evil Mod of Doom
  • Current Music
    "Cell Block Tango" - Cisero!


On days like today, I'm reminded why I bought myself a vette. The cool wind is blowing, the sun is shining, a few clouds here and there -- gives a person hope when things have been so rough lately. I get to the office and see Bud and Harm hanging out in the lunch room. Bud's got a mouthful of donut and Harm's sipping some obviously bitter coffee from the look on his face.

"Morning, Bud, Harm."

I hope Harm can't sense that I'm still a bit miffed about seeing him with that girl.

(OOC- I thought it was time we had some real time action on the board via comments. So, Harm and Bud - you're up. Comment away and we'll have a real conversation here.)
  • Current Music
    "She hates me" -- it was on the radio, fun head banger music


I'm not sure what's with Lt. Singer, but I've been getting major death looks. Harm and I, for that matter. The two of us were drinking some of Tiner's killer coffee (yes, we were THAT tired) and Singer happened to walk in. She walked right between the two of us as we were talking, opened a cupboard and got out a jar of pickles. Then she looked at the two of us with a GLARE and walked out. We paused in coversation, shared a LOOK of our own, and continued talking. What's with her? I wonder if anyone else has been seeing this cheerful side of the Lt. But, I wouldn't put it past her to be bitter with just me and Harm. It wouldn't be the first time.

Note to all --

Anyone seen my stapler? I know that my office looks like an absolute disaster but there's a method to the madness and my stapler is not in its usual place. Oh, wait, here it is...on my window sill? That's a new one. With all the cases these days, I guess I could have done something odd like that. Nevermind, all.

Back to personal entry --

Can't wait to see Chloe's play. It should be so fun. And with Harm going, I don't know, it'll be really nice to do something normal like that with him. We've spent a lot of time together lately prepping cases or a lot of time in court and no time out of when one of us is presiding, but no real fun time. I don't think either of us has had time to think of fun. I miss fun with Harm.

Mic is coming to the states again. I'm not sure how to feel about that. He called and said he wanted to get together, that we had to talk about something. One part of me thinks it's nothing, that he just wants to catch up like that last time he was around. But the other part thinks it might be something else. The strange thing is I don't know if I'm hoping or fearing that he wants to talk about us. A little part of me still loves him. It's been so long since we parted and our reasons for parting were reasonable ones. I know in my logical side that it would never work. Especially with my neverending confusion regarding Harm. I wasn't fair to Mic before and I don't think I would be right now either. Still though, it worries and confuses me. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.

Looking at this picture of Harm and me again. *sigh*

Men! The bane of my existance.

  • Current Music
    "This used to be my playground" - Madonna

phone calls...

They will stop soon... They have to. I heard breathing the last time. And I've been having these dreams. Sturgis is gonna laugh if I bring more of my "hokum" into the bullpen. It's nothing. It has to be...

chatting with an old friend

My friend's been dealing with some heavy issues to which I could totally relate. I wrote a lot in my advise to her, so I thought I'd just paste it here for safe keeping:

Wow, Lilly...

Hey, it's Sarah. I was tootling around online, wasting time before my next case, and I was flipping through all of my friend's livejournals. Yours for some reason popped up in the middle of the page, amidst this entry. And, wow, I was swept away by your writing...

I can't tell you how touched I was when I read it. Selfishly, because it struck such a strong chord with me and my perspective of life. Everything you said about death and God and war...completely what I think.

And I know what it's like to lose a friend. My best friend died in senior year of high school. Sure, it was a long time ago. But, every year, I feel him on June 7th (the day he died) and in the winter (her b-day season). I mean, regardless of the time that passes, he was my best friend. I can't tell you it gets easier, but it gets better. You remember the good things, and that can make you smile on a bad day. But, you never forget. Especially when you feel it was your fault.

I also know what it's like to feel like everyone's dying and that death is so unexplainable you just want to scream sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had the comfort of religion to explain everything to me, to tell me that everything is the way it is because of whatever. But, my family pretty much left me to figure it out on my own. Well, I haven't. And actually, I think I'm glad for that. I'd rather be certain in uncertainty than certain in something that might be wrong. Does that make sense?

Just saw Girl Interrupted again the other day. Have you seen that? There's a great quote in it:
"Maybe everyone out there's a liar. Maybe the whole world is stupid. But, I'd rather be in it." They are talking about living in denial in the sanitarium versus in the reality of the world, as awful as it may be, but I think it applies to a lot of us -- all of the ways we retreat into fantasy or act out in violence and hate instead of trying to understand.

Anyway, sorry about calling you at midnight the other night. One of my weird impulsive moments... I dunno, I'm crazy like that. Are you feeling better lately?

Hope you have a good break. You probably won't read this before you head out, but my best friend here at JAG (Harriet -- I know I must have told you about her) is having a Christmas party. You should come. I'd love to see you. I promise not to... Well, that is, unless we both get really trashed like in the old days. ;) Chloe would shoot me for even joking about drinking again...

Sorry, had to break the serious mood. (Don't worry, Chloe et. al, totally kidding!!!) You just got me really going from your post. I really felt you.

Hope to connect soon,
  • Current Music
    "dreams" by the cranberries

bla bla bla...

So much work to do. My eyes are tired from looking at computers and case briefs. Seems all I do is read anymore. Read read read. I feel incredibly lonely right now but I wasn't going to be a fool and write about it on the public board again. I've learned on that one. Tiner is such a sweetheart, but I really shouldn't be sharing my problems with people like's unprofessional... But, he is a nice friend. One of the only people I have supporting me right now anyway. eyes are burny like. I fell asleep on top of my briefs today. I just want to call a friend and go to ice cream or something. I'm tired of this shit... Excuse my language but I need to get out! But then I need to get my work done to. Oh poo. This stinks. I feel like a twelve year old saying that kind of stuff but I'm annoyed with myself and the way I feel. Ah!

  • Current Music
    still nothing...

nights go by...

I'm sitting here thinking. Listening to some great music that Matt gave to me before he left. He's feeling much better. That's good.

I was feeling very out of it the other night. Right now, I'm feeling pretty good. I don't know what was up with me the other night. I guess I was just too tired. I was driving home from the bullpen and I just felt like crying. I wanted to quit JAG, to just hole up at home and do nothing. For some reason, I thought that I wasn't able to perform my duties anymore as I should or used to. I worried as to whether AJ still saw me as one of his "best." It's a hard role to hold. On one hand, it's an honor. On the other, it's painful. You have to work twice as hard, need to hold that position. Harm makes it seems so easy, but I know he worries too.

That other night was a real weak point for me. I hated it. I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it was just all the work that had been building up finally stressing me out to the extreme. No one knows how hard it's been for me lately. My energy level has dropped significantly for some annoying reason out of my control and few people know that. I told Harm but I don't think he really understands, though I know he tries. I have the same amount of work and less energy to do it. I want to do it all but then I also feel like something's gotta give. That I drove myself to this place of lower energy by too much work. And that if I don't let a bit of my ambition calm, I might end up with nothing left of me to go on...

Damn, I'm being depressing. I really don't feel that awful now. It's just kind of a constant banter in my head. How do I go on? Where do I go from here? Where do Harm and I go from here? Professionally, I'm so busy that I have no time for hesitation. Socially though, it's often hard for me to see what is best, what I should do. I wish I just knew.

I try to tell myself that I don't need anyone or anything to keep going. I think I am dependant in a way that I can never let myself believe that I am. I will not be dependant. I will not drink to make myself feel better or cling to male attention simply for attention-sake no matter how much I am dying to do so. I really wanted a drink the other night. Something to make everything comfortable, easy, fun...funny. But, I won't. I won't.

I guess I'm really not that happy or that sad now. Just in a state of contimplation. The question again arises...where do I go from here? I don't have the answer. I can't answer a lot of things I'd like to know. Like where do we all go from here...after life? So much to question, so much to find alone. Alone. I hate that word. And yet, I know I need it too.

Peace be with you,
  • Current Music
    an arabic song with a great heartbeat to it

harm issues...

Well, I'll talk about happiness first because that's always more fun. Worked on kick boxing with Chloe yesterday. She's learning pretty fast. Trying to help her not punch like a girl. She's got some good kicks though.

Then we went out with a couple of friends to go dancing. That was a blast and I met some fun people. Some fun men, actually. The one I was more interested in though ended up talking to some blond at the end of the night. Why is it that I'm constantly plagued with men in my life who prefer blonds?

Speaking of which, my main stress now is Harm.
Things have been going well work-wise. We have been getting our cases done and working well together but it's like something's missing from the closeness we had last year. That's sad to me. We only get together for business. The trip in Sarah got cancelled because he went to see his Mom. I understand that, it's just...well, I miss him. A lot.

I just called him and he said he'd call me back because he was on the phone long distance with Sergei. Again, I understand. Why would he talk to me when Sergei called from Russia? That would be selfish of me to want him to put me first. Sometimes, I want to be that selfish though. I want my calling to be the most important. His voice did brighten at the sound of mine. But, still, has he called back yet? Nope.

Maybe he will but I'm not holding my breath. I just wish things were the way they were before he left. I mean, we talked all the time and did silly things while going out for food or just hanging out at one of our houses, like Truth or Dare and funny games like that. It was nice. Once again, all I can say is, I miss him.

The bar at the dance hall last night was highly tempting. Especially when the cute guy bought me a drink... But, Chloe was there to keep me in check. I really wanted to down it when I saw him with that blond though...

Why am I posting with this picture? To torture myself, I suppose... And to pathetically hope for a time like that again.

Uncle Matt just called. I was hoping it would be Harm. But, Uncle Matt was such a sweetheart. Calling just to check up on me. Sometimes what you want to hear comes out of the mouth of a different person...oh well, I still feel loved. Thanks, Matt. It's nice to know you care.

I think I need a work break. This case proposal is outlined. Have another to outline before the end of the day. But, screw it for now. I'm calling Chloe.
  • Current Music
    perky eighties in an attempt to make me "up"

late night

well, I really should be in bed considering the amount of work I have to do for tomorrow. You would think a coming weekend would mean that I was able to relax but no... Oh well. I'll be happy once work cools down some and things stop being so crazy. The whole crew's back in the bullpen which is nice. I like the help. This kind of insanity is one I can handle. And Harm's back...

I've been having fun with Bud lately. He can be so goofy sometimes. We went to Carl's Jr. and looked at buckets...long story. But, it was loads of laughs.

Well, to bed I should go. Things are happy and good. I still feel like something is missing but I'm not unhappy which is good. Hopefully I will find that missing link soon.

Until next time,
  • Current Music
    good ole 80s tunes